You Can't Actually Fence Sit // Why Apathy Isn't Real

Apathy seems to keep coming up.  In government class, and in chapel, and in religion class, and probably somewhere else that I didn't care enough to take note of.  (Get it? That was a reference to being apathetic. Haha. )  It keeps coming up, and it's been bugging me, too.  You know how sometimes things that you hear seem to find a way to latch onto your brain and not leave, like, ever?  That's me.  Everything anyone ever says sounds like "apathy" and my soup noodles spelled it out (it wasn't even alphabet soup . . . I know) and my eyes keep rearranging letters to spell "apathy" (I'm not even dyslexic . . . I KNOW.Crazy.)  Jk.  It's just been on the brain. 

When I have things on the brain, especially things that are kind of complicated and confusing, the solution is usually to write it out.  Usually in blog form, unless it's something 1) really embarrassing (I usually end up posting those once they're far enough in the past to not be painful, anyway) 2) really personal 3) really boring.  Let's talk about apathy, then, shall we?  I think it qualifies as blog-thinking worthy. 

As the whole apathy thing rolls around in my head (and on the pages of my books and in my non-alphabet soup), I've been observing.  Here, you can take a look. 

// Not choosing one way or another is a choice.  I tend to be pretty non-confrontational and deathly afraid of failure, so a lot of times I'll act apathetically in order to avoid making someone mad or doing something wrong.  If I don't know how to act, I'll just not act.  Example:  Not talking to my friend who's obviously having a crappy day because for fear of making it worse.  Example: Not speaking up when I see something wrong happening because I don't want to create a conflict.  Example: Not volunteering for / participating in something that I'm not completely sure I'll do well at. Well, guess what, Allie? (I sometimes blog to myself because I'm a narcissist.)  As it turns out, not acting at all counts as doing something.  There's not really a way to avoid making a decision as to how to act or speak, because that in itself is a decision, and it's the wrong one.  It's like what MLK said, "The question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be."  

You'd probably be able to appreciate that quote a lot more if you'd read his letter from Birmingham jail.  I'm going to assume that, since your government teacher isn't forcing you to read it, you probably won't, and hope that those words can mean something to you anyway.  (BTW, I totally recommend reading it - I just know what I'd do in your shoes.) 

// Apathy comes from paying too much attention to me. Okay, I can't take complete credit for this one.  Or any credit at all.  Observation credit goes to Olivia*, who talked to me about apathy in religion class. Thanks, Olivia.  Okay, now she can't sue me.  Let's get on with it.  

Olivia* wisely pointed out to me that apathy is so easy to do because sometimes we're too focused on ourselves to even take notice of the people that we're not supposed to be acting apathetic towards.  In other words, apathy doesn't usually intentionally because we're ignoring our fellow humans; it's completely unintentional.  We're too busy looking at ourselves to see anyone else.  You know that "Oh my gosh, I had no idea" feeling that comes when you find out about something that's been going on for forever, right in front of you, to someone you care about, that you simply overlooked?  I get that one a lot, and that's what I'm talking about. 

// Apathy gets in the way of God's best plan for my life. Not that long ago, I realized that, in order to do what God wants me to, I've got to get better at people.  (My inner introvert jammed her earbuds in, grabbed a book, and ran for the nearest sparsely-populated coffee shop.) But, really, in order to do what God wants, which is based on making friends and loving and supporting them, apathy can't really be in the picture.  If I'm too wrapped up in my own thoughts or tired or grumpy to start a conversation with someone, I'm definitely not going to have a chance to make friends or ever help them in any way.  

The plus side of this one is that God wants to help me not be apathetic, because then I can do his work better.  He can help me to do things that I don't feel like doing and to get better at looking at other people more than myself; however, he also completely gets me when I'm feeling less than enthusiastic.  He was a human for a while once, so he understands what I'm going through, making him the best helper ever.

// Lack of action is socially acceptable and easy.  Apathy is so common because it's so easy.  Ignoring the new kid or not offering to help a friend right away prevents me from having to go out of my way. So. Easy. I've also noticed that it's pretty rare for a person to be called out for not caring enough.  Since apathy is a passive thing, it's rarely condemned.  It's kind of hard to point at someone and say, "You're being so apathetic!  Shame on you!" because, well, they aren't doing anything.  So we keep apathizing, because it's safe.  

It's probably pretty common knowledge that safer isn't better, right?  I mean, except for when you're climbing a very tall thing or jaywalking.  Not worth it. The whole stepping-out-of-your-comfort-zone thing that I always hate to hear because I'm very attached to mine comes into play here.  This is definitely a case in which doing the hard thing is the way to go (why is it always like that?)  

Apathy's kind of enigmatic (I just learned that word today - be proud and let me know if I used it wrong) because it's an absence of something, kind of like darkness or coldness.  It just kind of sneaks in there, making it really hard to avoid, and, also like darkness and coldness, it has a presence that demands to be felt. (Looking at you, 30-below forecast.)  We know it's there, and it affects the people we're around and probably like way too much to knowingly neglect.  

It's so hard to not be apathetic - it's so much a part of what humans are.  I'd suggest that we all just stop trying to apathetic ever, at all, (because how great would that be?) but that's kind of unreasonable.  I believe that God's the only way that I can start genuinely caring about other people and get rid of apathy before it does too much damage.  So, I think I'll ask him for help and go from there.

*That's not her name. 

See you next time!

Allie

P.S. The other "pathy" 

25 Things // Week in Review

Friday is for lists: I present to you 25 things that made this week a lot cooler than it would have been if they never would have happened.

1.  Starting "The Office" on Netflix.  I'm mostly watching it for Jim and Pam, because clearly I'm a hopeless romantic.

2.  Spitting out my tomato soup because I can't control myself when mildly funny things happen.  Even more, the fact that I definitely did not regain control after the fact and ended up a teary, tomato soup-y mess.

3.  It snowed today!

4.  And now I am up to my neck in Christmas spirit and I don't hate it.

5.  The fact that school ended 45 minutes early today.

6.  This quote: "Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention."

7.  The purchase of a Mountain Lodge scented candle from Bath and Body Works.  It's gone now, but it was fun while it lasted.

8.  Running.  I haven't run in, like, 35 years, and I'm enjoying it a lot more than I should be, which is always a pleasant surprise.

9. Chocolate chip nutella pudding cookies happened, and also banana nutella upside down cake.  That's a good, good week.

10.  Frozen yogurt got gotten, baby gummi bears included.  All about the baby gummi bears.

11.  My nail polish isn't even that chipped.

12.  The school week had once less day than it normally does, so Friday is one day earlier and I am all over that.

13. I've worn pants (as opposed to skirts, not as opposed to going pantsless) every single day, and I have been so much more comfy and warm than I thought I could ever be. 

14.  Receiving a surprise valentine.  Valentines are so much more exciting when they're given on not Valentine's day!

15.  Long, lazy weekend, complete with late sleeping mornings and pajamas all day. 

16.  Learning how to lead my small group at school devotions better by listening.

17.  On that note, the chapel that spoke right to my heart yesterday.

18.  And the crazy story of Jonathan in 1 Samuel 14 that keeps on showing up in my life.  "Perhaps the Lord will work in our favor." Yes!

19.  The Insagram hashtag #doginablanket, courtesy of The Daily Tay. 

20.  Little to no homework, erreday.  Hellloooo, senior year.

21.  On that note, time to laugh with friends and to work out after school and to write in this place.

22.  I don't know about you, but we've had some mighty fine sunsets where I live (ahem at like 5:30 which I'm not okay with.) Premature, yes, but they've been beautiful!

23.  Hearing two of my teachers talking about a song being "their jam."  I love it. 

24.  Getting enough sleep.

25.  Filling out job applications.  It's not that fun, but it's helping me get a job and I can get behind that.

Have a great weekend!

Allie

The Most Important Thing // On Brokenness and Hope

You know when you're talking to someone about something and you can tell that they really are just not interested in what you have to say?  Like Kelly from The Office? I'll tell you now that this post might involve a lot of The Office references, because I've watched a record number of episodes this weekend thanks to Netflix on my phone.  For those of you who haven't ever watched The Office, 1. Get Netflix on your phone or anywhere you can get it right now. 2. Kelly sometimes goes on these long, really girly monologues and whoever she's talking to usually really doesn't care.  So now you're all caught up until I reference something else.  I'll try to keep it to a minimum. 

  .            (That's Kelly up there ^^^^^^^^)
When it comes to certain topics, I can sometimes feel like I'm Kelly and God is Ryan.  And Jim.  And Michael.  And everyone else who doesn't really care that much about what Kelly has to say.  I know that God cares about me, but there are some aspects of my life that I just don't think are a big deal to him.  I think we all have them, whether it's how our sports team does or what we eat or what kinds of grades we get.  Somehow, the things that constitute a big part of our lives seem much too small to even register on the radar of our all-powerful God. 

For the longest time, I was convinced that my relationships were one of those things.  I don't know when the idea entered my mind, but I assumed that friend drama, family disagreements, and boy trouble didn't matter that much to God.  I thought that since He knows so much, my little human conflicts wouldn't matter to him similarly to the way that a child's struggles can seem minute to an adult.  Through some circumstances in my life, I got to know God better.  I got to know that not only does God care about my relationships, but they are of utmost importance to him. 

You see, God works in relationships.  That's how He gets into the hearts of His people and it's how He shows up in amazing ways.  I mean, He created us to relationship (that's a verb now) with Himself and the people around us, after all.  One of his first projects after man was made was to establish the companionship between husband an wife.  His entire plan for salvation was based on reconstructing a relationship that the people He loved had dashed to pieces.  So, um, I think that He most certainly cares, very deeply, about the way I connect with other people.  

That knowledge is so comforting in a world that brings heartache in waves and where relationships stand gingerly on a basis of fragile human merit.  To know that God is the creator of relationships and kind of an expert at fixing them, along with the now undeniable fact that He always desires for bonds to be forged instead of broken, has allowed me to walk on rocky seas of angry words and miscommunications and hurt hearts over and over again.  When I'm running out of my own reserves of hope for a situation, all I have to do is go to God's heart for that hope to be renewed again, because I know that, above all, God is a God of wholeness and love and community, and that He is always working to that end. 

I was reminded of that truth again yesterday morning over coffee at our weekly Sunday morning family Bible study.  We were working through 2 Samuel 14 on a whim of my little sister.  I don't know if you know it?  It's one of many parts of the Bible that deals with the ungodly actions of King David's kids; it starts out with a rape and a murder and ends with a beautiful reunion.  David's son, Absalom, has just killed his brother (after that brother had raped his own sister, mind you) and run away from his father and his kingdom.  One of David's higher-ups, Joab, in an effort to reunite father and son, sends a woman to talk some sense into David, who isn't acting to bring his son back.  (There's a lot more to it than that, but we won't go into it right now.)  The woman speaks to David of God's heart, saying, 

"But God will not take away life, and he devises means so that the banished one will not remain an outcast."                                                                                               

   -2 Samuel 14:14b

It takes a lot of encouragement from Joab and more than two years of waiting, but eventually what the woman says proves true:  God orchestrates a plan that brings David and his son back together into the closeness that God intended originally, because that is what's at God's heart.  That is what He cares about. 

As usual, God's timing is perfect and this reminder came just as I am struggling through a hurting friendship of my own.  In the face of what seems like overwhelming damage, it's really, really hard not to simply give up in favor of an easier path.  With God, though, hope enters the picture.  I know that He is big enough to overcome any obstacle; He knows the words that need to be said and He, the potter, can soften hearts of clay.  I know that with Him, things are possible that never would be otherwise.  That's probably the most important, amazing, counter intuitive thing about God and relationships:  only when they're broken beyond repair can God truly show his full capacity to restore and bring us to experience Him to the fullest.  

Love, 

Allie

Her Tragedy; Our Action // Do Something

It's the kind of thing that we don't like to think about, let alone speak of.  It's the news that sank my heart in an instant and made me so painfully award of how helpless and finite I am, and we are.  It threw a shadow over a school and showed two hundred and twenty-two students that life is so much more complicated than they ever thought or hoped it would be.

She killed herself.

The words themselves sound ugly; they talk about such a horrible tragedy, something that was never, ever meant to be.  A person who seemed to always have an uplifting word to say and who so, so many people called friend isn't supposed to just stop.  High school students were made for living, for laughing with friends and learning to drive and going to football games and dreaming about the future; those days aren't supposed to be cut short and we all know it, and I think that's why the reality of suicide sits especially uneasily with us.  We know, instinctively, that something has gone wrong in the very worst way.

She was clinically depressed, that's what they said.  That's the cut-and-dry explanation, the one that's supposed to make everything clear and wrap it all up in a neat package to be filed away so that we can go on living comfortably.  But for friends and family and anyone who's touched on what happened, that explanation isn't nearly enough, and I'm glad it's not.  I don't want to be comfortable if it involves turning a blind eye when a teenage girl is driven, for whatever reason (it doesn't matter) to take her own life.  I hope that being faced with a harsh, hard reality makes us uncomfortable enough to get involved when we see things like this going on.  

As I scroll through my Instagram and Facebook and talk to friends, I'm encouraged by the love that I see expressed for her and her family.  The support pours out to overflowing, and it's absolutely incredible.   To be completely honest, though, the paragraphs upon paragraphs of kind, kind words, and even the words I'm writing right now, also make me sick to my stomach, because they're a couple days too late.  We didn't know that she needed them, and that hurts me more still - as I watch yet another repetition of the cycle of tragedy and coping, tragedy and coping, I find myself wishing that someone would show up and break it.  It seems like I've gotten better at dealing with the aftermath, but I'm so slow to do anything that could change a situation for the better before it gets worse.  I'm good at talking, but doing is something that I'd much rather leave to someone else.   The world, as a whole, is great at talking and analyzing events; we're experts in speculation and could probably graduate with high honors from the school of  Knowing What's Going On; however, we aren't as good at paying attention to people - something has, indeed, gone wrong in the very worst way.  That's not to say that heartbreaking things can't happen under the watch of the most compassionate and attentive of people; they can and do, because life's not the way God made it to be anymore.  It is to say, though, that hurt and destruction erupt too often without our notice, and the world keeps spinning smoothly on its axis while all over things are anything but smooth.

My prayer for this situation is that it would move us to action; that we'd be unwilling to let another moment pass in which we could have done something and didn't.  I hope (and maybe this is morbid but I don't care) that she'd stick in our minds to the point that we can't help but take the very next chance to say the words we've been meaning to or do that thing that we know we should, and that because of it we change the way we act.  I want us to care to the point that her death deeply affects us, even if we didn't know her.  I don't want her life and death to be for nothing.  What I want most, and what I think really has to happen, is for us to take a long enough break from our worried discussion and endless speculation to finally do something.

Allie

A Desire Which Nothing Can Satisfy // Chasing After God

Did your jaw just drop?  Mine definitely did when I read that quote yesterday.  Recently, God's been teaching me a lot about how to let him satisfy my needs, and it's really cool and so different from anything that I've ever learned about God before.  Part of letting God satisfy my needs, every single one of them, is to get rid of anything else that I'm using to fill the space in me where God should be.  It's what Elisha did when he literally burned his ticket to earthly success and cooked his livelihood for dinner over the bonfire. 

"So Elijah went from there and found Elisha son of Shaphat. He was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen, and he himself was driving the twelfth pair. Elijah went up to him and threw his cloak around him. Elisha then left his oxen and ran after Elijah. “Let me kiss my father and mother goodbye,” he said, “and then I will come with you.”

“Go back,” Elijah replied. “What have I done to you?”

 So Elisha left him and went back. He took his yoke of oxen and slaughtered them. He burned the plowing equipment to cook the meat and gave it to the people, and they ate. Then he set out to follow Elijah and became his servant." 

1 Kings 19:19-21

This idea of giving up things that keep me from depending on God in order to follow him better isn't something that I figured out myself.  It's coming at me from a couple of awesome Jesus books that I'm ready (and, of course, actual Jesus), and God's used them to show me some things in my life that I desperately need to get rid of if my goal is truly to follow him.  As I work my way through the areas that needed cleaning up, I'm faced with hard decisions followed by difficult actions.  I've had conversations that have left me breathless and my heart pounding on my rib cage like it's trying to bust out of there.  Apparently, following God is anything but easy - it's downright uncomfortable.  It is nothing like anything I've ever done.

It's not just the official giving up of the God-substitutes that's hard, though; it's sticking to that decision once I've made it.  Unlike Elisha's plows, most of the things that I attempt to put in God's place aren't burnable.  Committing to keeping them out of God's place isn't the end of it, even if I tell my friends so that they can hold me accountable and try to keep myself out of situations that will tempt me.  It takes a lot of self-control; in fact, self-control is pretty much the key to chasing God day after day after day, forever.   Broken record here:  self-control. is. hard.  I'm seeing that first hand as I struggle with keeping my commitments, and the fact that self-control is so unnatural to me forces me to rely on God to give the willpower that I so do not have.

Despite the struggle, or maybe because of it, learning how to follow God is exhilarating.  Doing scary things makes life exciting, doesn't it?  Also, doing things that I know matter in the long run . . . that makes life satisfying.  It's humbling, because I keep messing up, and it's making me thankful, because God keeps on picking me up.

Maybe you have something that you know is keeping you from being like Jesus?  A hard, potentially (in my case, probably) awkward conversation that needs to be had or a habit that needs to be kicked?  I'd recommend praying about it, and hope that God calls you to act on it.  I highly recommend that as well, by the way. //

Love,

Allie

P.S. M from The Life of Little Me was awesome and nominated me for the Blogger Recognition Award.  I got a chance to check out her blog, and I liked it a lot and I sometimes like to share things that I like so here ya go: click here, here, and here to read some of my personal favorites!

A Time to Lose Control // Ecclesiastes

You know those times when things just keep happening?  Rereading that sentence, I'm realizing that it's really vague and I may have even made a sarcastic comment to myself in my head along the lines of "As opposed to the times when time stands still?"  So, for those of you who have been blessed with an equally sarcastic mind, I'll clarify: You know those times when bad things just keep happening?   When you've heard so much bad news that you almost come to expect every premature death (it was the flusher for Darnell this week . . . RIP) or national crisis or family struggle or stressful situation?   That's been me this week, and for a little while I was kind of handling it like an autonomous, emotionally stable human being.  I mean, I hadn't screamed at any of my friends or family members for an illegitimate reason, I got my homework turned in in a reasonable amount of time, and I was still eating my vegetables and stuff.  I had it under control, treading with my head just high enough to breath, until something was one thing too much and I slipped and went under, snapping at a teammate and skipping my online class (totally not what I'm doing right now) and switching from salad to chocolate.  I know, tragic.  In all seriousness, though, all of those things were indicators that I was in over my head.  I tried, pretty hard, but I couldn't explain what had happened or say the right words when they were needed, and that weighed heavy on my mind until I couldn't bear it on my own anymore. 

The good and the bad of finally being overwhelmed is that that's what it took for me to go running to God.  I opened my Bible and read and read and prayed, asking for the kind of peace that shouldn't be possible in the midst of hard stuff like this, because I know he can do that.   I came across these words, and that's how God decided to put my heart and mind at rest. 

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.

      a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

     a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

    a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

     a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

     a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

     a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

. . . He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

I've read these words plenty of times, but I had never really thought about their implications until this last time through.  The fact that there is a specific time for tearing down, for giving up, for uprooting, is, as weird as it seems, comforting.  It tells me that, since our world isn't perfect anymore, the things that God never wanted to have happen to us end up being a part of his plan.  It's not the ideal - that perished a long time ago with our human weakness - but it is our reality.  God knows about every heartbreak that we're going to suffer, and although he allows hard things to happen, he's in complete control throughout the entire wild ride.  He uses tragedy to grow us, to teach us, and to make things happen to his glory.  

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:28

The best comfort comes at the end of the passage from Ecclesiastes, which says that "he has made everything beautiful in its time."  I just love that!  It tells us that God has a track record of making our lives beautiful, regardless of how he chooses to make that happen.  He leads the way through the times of laughing until we cry and the times of deep, deep mourning alike, all for our ultimate good and his glory. 

Love, 

Allie

When Little Things Get Too Big // College Visiting

Hey, everyone!  It's Tuesday, and I'm enjoying yet another day of long weekend so I'm not anywhere near complaining.  Like any chronic procrastinator, ahem, I mean responsible high school senior, I'm spending my two extra non-school days (thank you, teacher conferences) walking around college campuses, eating their food and filling my purse with their free stuff and otherwise doing highly revealing evaluative research in an attempt to try and figure out what I'm going to do with my life in the next year.  I must say that the whole college search is going pretty well; I'm no longer fighting change tooth and nail, threatening to live at home forever or get married as soon as I graduate while refusing to fill out college applications.  Go ahead, congratulate me.  I'm also offering classes on how to be a stellar prospective college student for a small fee because, hello, student loans.  

Anyway, as I followed our tour guide around the pretty campus of Saginaw Valley State University yesterday, I started to get really, really excited.  (Note: For you aspiring college campus tour guides, please don't walk backwards the whole time.  It gives guidees the feeling that they're constantly backing you into a corner and also inflicts so many mini heart attacks as the guide almost runs into people / trees / trash cans / buildings.)

Look at it!  I didn't take this; it's from here: 

Pretty soon, all I could think about was the fitness center and the Starbucks and the brand new indoor track and the free home football games and the thousands of new people and the really interesting classes and all of the other glittering facets of college life.  I could picture myself sitting and eating dinner with my friends and buying coral and mint decor for my tiny dorm, maybe applying for the honors college or getting involved in campus ministry or club sports.  Also, did you know that the boys in college are more attractive than the ones in high school? Go figure!

As exciting as life is right now, full of novelty and branching with roads untraveled, it's also so confusing.  Choosing between college and taking a gap year to do mission work in Africa is hard enough, let alone trying to get my heart and mind to settle on one particular school and - gulp - a major.  It's times times like these, when my vision is clouded my a kaleidoscope of all that seems bright and beautiful, that I'm so thankful for the absolute clarity that comes from God.  Take this, for example:

"You, God, are my God, 

earnestly I seek you;

I thirst for You, 

my whole being 

longs for you,

in a dry and parched

land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in the 

sanctuary

and beheld your

power and your glory.

Because your love 

is better than life,

my lips will glorify

you.

I will praise you as

 long as I live, 

and in your name I 

will lift up my hands.

I will be fully satisfied

as with the richest 

foods; 

with singing lips my

mouth will praise you.  

Because you are my help, 

I sing in the shadow

 of your wings.

I cling to you;

your right hand 

upholds me. "

The way I see it, these words are a verbal blueprint for how life's supposed to be, and I don't know about you, but that's really comforting.  I don't know right now whether I'll end up sleeping in a tent in Africa or playing a sport at a small private school or going to a huge state university and pursuing a PhD, and those possibilities would be so stressful if I didn't have an anchor in the words of that Psalm.  Regardless of which path I take, I already know that I have a love that can make my life more meaningful than any college experience.  I know for sure that I'm made to praise God with myself, and if that's all I know, I'm good, you know?  I just thought that was so cool, and I had to share! 

Allie

God First in Time Management // Big Rocks First

Hey, everyone!  Thanks for coming back!  If you're new to the party, what your eyeballs are observing right now is the third installment in a monthish-long series that Itunu from Beyoutiful Beauties and I have been working on together.  Each week, we've been writing posts on each of our blogs about how to keep God first in an area of our lives, writing on the same general topic but with different focuses.  It's been pretty cool so far, if it's okay for me to like my own Instagram here for a second.

This week's about putting God first in the way we spend our time, and I'm going to go all pastor on you and start this thing off with an illustration.  My mom has used it to explain time management to me a lot, and she's basically a management guru, so you're welcome.

Pretend that I gave you a mason jar, a bunch of sand, a few big rocks (but small enough to fit inside of the mason jar, duh) and some bouncy balls.  Let's say that the jar represents how much time you have and the objects represent the ways you use your time.  The rocks are the most important things;  for me, that would be God, the people in my life, and school.  The bouncy balls are the slightly less important things: my blog, my pets, sports, baking, reading - hobby-type things.  The sand is the little stuff that's kind of fun but doesn't have much redeeming value and isn't that important - it's the social media, the TV, the coloring of princess pictures.  There's nothing wrong with it, but it's definitely not necessary. 

I ask you to put everything into the jar.  You pour the sand in first, then add the bouncy balls.  By the time you start to add the big rocks to the jar, they don't fit!  You beg me for another try, and I graciously grant it.  This time, the big rocks go in first.  Next, you add the bouncy balls.  They fall into the gaps between the rocks, like they were always meant to fit there.  Finally, the sand fills in the cracks and runs out just before spilling over the brin. 

This, my mom says, is how life works.  When we put the big stuff first, everything else just falls into its intended place.  I would venture to guess that adding God to the "big rocks" category helps things to fall into place even better, because he's God and he's really good at that kind of stuff. 

I'm guessing that, if you've been walking with God for a while, a lot of what I've said so far isn't news to you.   You know that God needs to come first, and that he should be one of the big rocks in your life.  You might have even tried your hand at actually fitting the objects into the mason jar at some Jesus-related event or something.  For the most part, we know that God should be the first priority in our lives, but we don't know how. 

Be All Business

Besides the mason jar illustration, my mom/time management guru has lots of other brilliant stuff to say about how to use my time most efficiently.  One practice that she recommends time and again is to make appointments for everything you do, especially the hard stuff and especially the important stuff.  Well, spending time with God is both important and difficult.  I mean, on the one hand, we need and desire to our very core to be in a relationship with him; that much is a given because of how we're created.  On the other hand, though, being with God rubs against the grain of our sinful nature.  Time spent in the Bible and prayer often shows us that we're doing stuff wrong, and no one likes to be told that we're doing stuff wrong.  It's hard!

Therefore, add it to your schedule.  Plan our a specific block of time to spend with God and write it in your planner or type it into your phone or tell it to your personal assistant and then actually do it.  Hold your appointment to God like you would any other engagement - that means not planning other events for the same time or showing up late or leaving early.  A great relationship with God takes commitment, and this is a really good place to start! 

Expect to Be Uncomfortable

Our little illustration shows that everything we enjoy about life can fit into it if we put God first, but that doesn't mean that those activities won't have to fit in a different way.  For instance, you might have to give up prime working / running / TV watching hours in order to devote that time to being with God. (But, I mean, treadmills and Netflix, so nice try.)  Shifting how all the little pieces of your life fit together will surely cause discomfort - the bouncy balls aren't used to having to squeeze in between the rocks, and the sand won't like having to wait its turn to get involved.  They'll demand their old places back, in the bottom of the jar where your full attention is.  Ignore them!  You know what you're doing!  The big rocks stay at the bottom of the jar, without question. 

God has to be first, because he's what we as his followers build our lives on.  We know that, but knowing isn't enough - creating a strong relationship with him takes real commitment.  Get started strong by saying a quick prayer asking God to help you to put him first.  And after that, you best be whipping out your planner and scheduling the heck out of it with God-time. //

Next week will (most likely) be the last post in our God First series, so show up then and read some more about God being first!  Also, head over to Itunu's blog and check out what she had to say about keeping God first in the way we use our time, because she's smart and writes good words.  I hope this was helpful to you!

Have a great day!

Allie

God First in Media // Start Thinking

This week, we're talking about how to put God first in the music we listen to, the music videos we watch, and the Pins we pin - we're talking media!  This one's a big issue, considering the fact that 1) entertainment is super prevalent in our world today and 2) a lot of said entertainment is not God-pleasing.  People struggling to live in a world that is bent on glorifying all the things that God can't stand have tried so many different approaches to dealing with this, with varying amounts of success.  Christian movies take the silver screen and Christian artists give concerts in front of huge crowds and there is a Christian romance novel for every Nicholas Sparks ever written.  I think, though, that creating a Christian version of every offensive form of entertainment isn't the end-all solution to the issue. I think the way we think is.  In order to chase after God in every area of life,  Christ-followers need to learn to think critically about the messages we absorb through every use of entertainment.

Listen to what I meant, not what I said

The issue of "bad" language in various forms of media is revisited again and again - why?  More important than the individual "bad" words that are found in entertainment is the idea that those words, when put together, plant in our heads.  A song that is completely free of swear words can easily convince my subconscious that drinking until I don't know what's going on is a good way to spend my time or that my parents are idiots.  In the same way, swear words don't make a song, movie, or book unwholesome.  I believe that there are really horrible things that happen in the world, and that sometimes we need to use language with a strong enough connotation to match it.  

What's more important than the words themselves is what they are saying to you.  When we consume entertainment, we can't be passive.  We have to ask ourselves what message a movie is broadcasting, what a magazine is telling us about how satisfied we should be with what we currently have, what kind of behavior a song is telling us is okay.  Is the entertainment that we're consuming helping or hurting our walk with God?  I find that, whether I like it or not, that question is pretty easy to answer most of the time.  If I'm being honest with myself, there is really no neutrality in the messages that I let wash over my brain.  I'd like to think that I can listen to current music that isn't God-pleasing without having it affect me, but it does, in small ways.  For me, I have to cut that kind of stuff out of my life almost completely or it will start to consume me.

Whatever causes you to stumble

Jesus says in Matthew 18:8, "If your hand or foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away.  It is better to enter life maimed or crippled than two have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire."  Another part of choosing our entertainment as Christians is to be wise as to what kind of things make our personal walk with Christ more difficult.  We know what goes against God's heart, but there may be additional messages that each of us struggles with specifically.  For example: love songs.  Does God have a problem with love, when it is experienced according to his plan? Of course not!  But a love song, even one about the most pure, God-pleasing kind of love, can make my heart ache for human love.  And you know, I don't need that.  I have a really cute cat.  Also, Jesus.

Paul repeatedly talks about personal stumbling blocks in his letters to the churches.  He acknowledges that things like drinking wine or eating meat sacrificed to pagan gods are not morally wrong, but he many times advises new Christians to avoid them altogether to keep their new faith as safe as possible.  When it comes to marriage, Paul tells his audience to take a wife in order to avoid sexual immorality.  The bottom line is that the way the entertainment we consume influences our walk with God is more that just what's against the Ten Commandments and what isn't.  If something is pulling you away from God, it might be time for that thing to pack its bags and head out.

Consider your audience

Another important consideration when you're choosing your entertainment poison is  who is watching you.  In other words, who are you leading?  Let's consult Paul again for this one.   He coordinated and trained almost all of the early church leaders in some way, so he ought to know what a good leader needs.  His go-to list from 1 Timothy 3 is as follows:

-well-thought-of
-faithful in relationships
-cool and collected
-accessible
-hospitable
-knowledgeable
-good reputation with outsiders
-others-focused

Many of the bullet points on Paul's checklist have as much to do with outward appearances as they do with the heart.  We all know not to judge a book by its cover, but the reality is that we as people are constantly evaluating one another based on what we can see.  Therefore, it's really important for us to think about how we're influencing the people around us.  For me, that means being conscious of the kind of movies I watch with my little sister or the concerts I go to with my friends.  Our entertainment doesn't just affect us - if affects everyone with their eyes on us.

Alright,  let's recap because I know I always need that. Think critically about the messages your entertainment is sending you.  Be wise to your personal stumbling blocks.  Be mindful of how your choices affect those around you.  And, of course, there's no substitute for a solid walk with God so that he's able to keep you on the right path.  Right? //

Make sure you all head over to Itunu's blog to check out what she has to say about God and entertainment today!  She always had goooood stuff to say!  Also, tune in next week for another post on an as yet undetermined topic about putting God first!

Allie

Justin Timberlake Talks Gossip // The Jesus-y Project

Hey, guys!  So, it's Humpday Eve, and you know what that means.  It means that it's the first day that you all get to see a project I've been working on with Itunu from Beyoutiful Beauties!  For the next few Tuesdays (amount of Tuesdays TBD),  we're going to bring you a series of posts on how to serve God in different areas of your life. Woah, woah.  That totally sounded like we know what we're doing, and we admittedly don't.  However, we're going to read our Bibles and do our best and share with you how we try (and sometimes fail) to live in a way that Jesus would like.

Today's topic is God in Friendships. It's cool how God works - this topic is pretty close to both Itunu and I right now, so we felt like it was the perfect thing to post about this week.  On my end, I'm currently trying to change the way I communicate with and about my friends.  As in, I'm trying not to gossip at all during the month of September.  My friend Allison wrote a great post about it here. 

Today's September 7th (hooray for writing posts ahead of time!), which means that I've been trying not to gossip for a week.  You guys, it is so, so hard.  Gossiping feels good.  It's such a guilty pleasure thing for that reason - it's easy to do, and for whatever reason, brings instant gratification.  It's universal, too.  Almost everyone you meet will be willing to engage in gossip with you, and so we often use it to relate to each other.  (Isn't that so wrong? Talking badly about one person to become closer to another?)  Despite how low-down and dirty it is, you'll most likely be hard pressed to find someone who will ridicule you for gossiping. All this I've learned in my last week of attempted not gossip, and it left me with a question.  If gossip is easy, safe, and feels good, how in the world am I supposed to stop? 

My mom's a really good advice-giver, and something that she's really stressed to me through years of struggles in various areas is that truth will always improve a situation.  "Just speak truth," she says.  I think she's right.  The Bible compares truth to light, exposing evil deeds.  (John 3:21)  Let's see if we can't shed some light on gossip, then, and expose how ugly it is.  Ready? 

Truth:  Gossip hurts friendships, whether your friend knows that you're gossiping about them or not. 

Strange, isn't it?  I used to think that gossip only had consequences only if my friend found out what I'd said.  So not true.  Who here can identify with the feelings of resentment that are stirred up every time you repeat derogatory words about your friend?  Even if she never knows, you've driven a wedge between the two of you just by dwelling on whatever you have against her.  In addition,  gossip hurts your relationship with the person you're gossiping to.  I don't know about you, but I'm not about to have a heart-to-heart with the girl who just told me her friend's dirty little secret, you know?  Trust is a hard thing to build, and words of gossip will pound against it until it crumbles. 

Truth: Gossip is lazy.

It's true.  Gossip is the verbal equivalent of choosing potato chips over veggies or reading a trashy romance novel instead of a classic or running two miles instead of five.  It's what we do when we don't care enough to try.  Talking about someone else's decisions doesn't require original thought or even the effort of acquiring solid information.  As long as it's interesting, it's fine.  It's the lowest-quality form of relating to the people around us.  

Truth:  Gossip isn't usually true.  

As Justin Timberlake alledgedly said, "Gossip is called gossip because it's not always to truth." Is he right, or is he right?  How many times have you and your friends speculated about a a story until it became an event made of one hundred per cent speculations, zero per cent fact?  I know I'm guilty of this one.  We don't have anyone checking to make sure our sources are reliable, and so we invent away until we get the story how we like it.  At this point, we're not just sharing our friends' secrets - we're lying about them. 

Truth: Gossip is incredibly selfish. 

Obviously.  Gossip never, ever helps anyone.  I use gossip to fill awkward silences, to entertain myself, to attempt to gain some self-esteem.  I never gossip with someone else's best interests at hear - it's impossible!  And because it's selfish, gossip contradicts with what's at the very core of true, Godly friendship:  love for the other person.  Our goals where our friends are concerned should be to build them up.  To enrich them.  To make them feel good about themselves.  To keep their good reputation standing.  You and I cannot gossip and have healthy friendships.  It's not possible. 

As I'm writing this, I think that the best way to break my gossipy habits might be to do the opposite of gossiping.  Say quality, truthful words.  Constantly work to build my friends up.  Seek to say everything that is true and nothing that is not.  If I'm living that way, there'll be no room left for gossip!  A logical impossibility.  

If you're reading this, (and I assume that you are),  I challenge you to do the same thing.  Be Godly in your relationships by refusing to gossip.  A world where no one says a word behind their friend's back - doesn't that sound great?//

Hop over to Itunu's blog to check out her post about withstanding peer pressure in friendships!  Next week, we'll be talking about how the entertainment we surround ourselves with fits into a Godly lifestyle.  It's going to be a good one!

Truthfully yours, 

Allie

Time to Refocus // Turning This Blog Around

Friends are great.  I mean like really, really great.  The very best kinds of friends are the ones who, among other things, get you to leave your comfort zone from time to time, whether it's riding the stupid Power Tower at Cedar Point that I'd sworn off for life, meeting new people, or running when you haven't run in seventy billion years and are proportionately out of shape. For better or for worse (looking at you, 240-foot drop), I've got several friends like that, and so yesterday I grabbed my prehistoric running shoes and headed to a lake to meet one of my friends who is weirdly in love with cross country.  Like, in love enough that's it's been three years and she hasn't quit.  I know.

So, we met at the lake as planned and I got my legs to start doing something resembling a running motion.  Kind of like this, but slightly less adorable.

Running like a baby duckling apparently uses up A LOT of oxygen, because I started to do my favorite really horribly, ugly sounding running breathing about thirty seconds in.  You know, where you suck in air like you haven't breathed in a year and exhale even more forcefully, all while clearing your throat, spitting and hoping it doesn't fly back and hit you, and crying? That.  I really like talking when I run so I can try to ignore the fact that I'm running, but that just really wasn't happening yesterday, so I let Ms. Cross Country run her mouth bestow some wisdom on me.

The conversation monologue eventually found its way to blogging, something that both of us really enjoy.  She said something like "I finally posted for the first time in like two months today!" and I was able to get out something like "Yeah - inhale -I've - exhale - missed - lots of quick breaths - you!"  She went on to talk about how she had started out her blog for one reason and that what she wrote about on it now had changed  from what she originally wanted and how she wasn't sure if she should keep doing it, as well as a bunch of other stuff because I think she was sick of me trying to talk and the resulting disgusting noises and loud breathing.

All the stuff she said got me thinking, though.  I had started my blog with a vision that it doesn't really resemble at all anymore, too.  Originally, I wanted a blog where I could document how I was loving people and living recklessly for God.  God would be the big picture, and this blog would be a place for me to talk him up.  That's so not how it is right now - not in my life, not here.  The side show got a little too much attention and started taking over the main act; this place that I created to only glorify God has gotten big enough to block my view of him.  Is that a problem? Uh, yeah.  Refocus.

We ran on, stopping for a halfway point walking break and finishing near this mile marker that makes it appear as if we ran 5.25 miles, which we did not.

The sun going down had everything looking so pretty just as we finished up, so we took some pictures of lake water and sky.

And then I was unsatisfied and got fancy (THERE IS AN ANALOGY IN THIS SO PAY ATTENTION) so I made us walk down the lake coast to where the boats are docked.  I was kind of disappointed when the picture wasn't that pretty.

Ta-da. 

In a last-ditch effort to save my idea, I tilted my camera up a little bit, away from the little things on my ground and up to the huge, blue sky. 

Oh, there it is!  Much better.  Like my life, the big picture of the sky and the waves and the sunset got cluttered when I tried to do my own thing with it.  At the same time, it became significantly less beautiful.  I had to look at the big picture to get the beauty. Refocus!

Refocusing is what's going to be going on around here in the next week or so.  I'm going to do everything I can to get back to why I started, which would be to blog about what God's doing in my life.  That means that, as of next Friday, I'm going to take my blog off of Bloglovin, turn off comments, and delete my separate blog Instagram account - anything that could cause me to focus on feedback from readers instead of what God wants me to do. (The only reason I'm not doing that right now is so, if you're so inclined, you can read along some other way.  I'D BE ELATED! But I won't have any way of knowing, nothing will be held against you.)  I'm going to post, but it'll be about God and honest life stuff instead of whatever might bring in a page view or two, and it won't be allowed to get in the way of my relationship with God, because that's idolatry and we don't do that.  Reckless is going back to its roots, and I'm so excited.  This time, with a clear view.  Refocused.

Allie

P.S.  This is what I look like after I run. You're welcome.

Love Like An Ocean // Because God is Super Cool

I feel like there's some unfinished business between us.

Sorry, did that make you anxious?  I totally got anxious typing that, and all this anxiety was completely unnecessary, because all I'm doing is telling you a story that happened about a month ago.  It's a God story and it involves the beach and pictures of the beach, so get pumped!

This whole thing started after an amazing week with my dad's side of the family, who are some of the most loving, encouraging people I know. I had just made the decision to love people with reckless abandon (more on that here) and to start this blog about my adventures, but I was having trouble with where to take it from there. Apart from the support system that my family had provided for me, I was struggling to love as I had when I was with them.  When I was constantly being poured into by the people around me, nothing seemed more natural than to love recklessly; however, everyday life didn't fill me the way they had.

God's timing was, as usual, on point, and the week after we got back I committed to a Bible study that's been going on at my church for a while - one that I'd been invited to participate in before.  They were reading through this amazing little book called He Loves Me, and I took it with me to vacation numero two. (Yes, this is the beach one!)

Vacation numero two was very different in that it took place at an island house instead of a campsite in Wisconsin, that it took a lot longer to get there, and that I was surrounded by a really different group of people.  While my mom's sister and her family, who we were staying with, are fantastic people (forreal, they're funny, both intelligent and knowledgeable, caring, have really cute kids and cook well . . I KNOW) they don't have a relationship with Jesus.  I wasn't surrounded by fifty + constant reminders of God's love, and it really tested my new commitment to reckless, Christlike love.

The house we stayed at was about five blocks away from the beach, and every morning, most and every family member would make the trek to the ocean for some form of exercise.  For my part, I ran before spreading out a towel withing ten yards of the crashing waves and reading the new book from my new Bible study group.  The book, titled He Loves Me,  shares the freedom of pursuing a relationship with God and attempts to explain his infinite love.  Every day, as I sat on the beach and listened to the waves and let the wind tug my hair, I'd read this book and pray for God to reveal his love to me.

Well, guess what? He did.  About halfway through the week,  the book decided to tell me that God's love was constant.  It said, "And since God's love is constant, you can live as one who is loved a ridiculous amount every day, regardless of what you've done or haven't to deserve it." (That's just a rough paraphrase.  Please don't sue me for misquoting your book.)  It made sense in my head, but I had trouble with internalizing, with accepting that truth and making it a part of me.  And then I heard the ocean.

I've never felt especially close to God through nature.  Some people do, and that's cool, but I just don't.   That day was an exception, though, because obviously God can except things if he wants to.  I listened to the ocean waves climbing the beach and falling back, climbing and falling, climbing and falling.  I realized that God loves me like that.  He's just there, loving as an action all the time, and I can't stop his unfathomable delight in me any more than I can slow the ocean's rhythm. That was the first lesson. 

The second lesson came when I opened my eyes and re-noticed that the ocean is ginormous.  My thoughts wandered to the fact that that ocean could probably swallow whatever it pleased, whenever, and then God helped them out and they wandered to the fact that his love was like the ocean in that way, too. It is so wide and deep that the stuff I worry about on a regular basis is completely insignificant in comparison.  God's love can crash down over overwhelming situations and uncertainty and sadness and pull them away from me in a current that won't let up. Easily, and without hesitation.  God loves me like that.

Moral of the story? If you'll recall, I couldn't figure out where to get the strength to love recklessly.  That'd be God, and his ocean expanse of resources just waiting to pour into me and overflow to the lives of anyone it could.  His love is constant like the waves and huge like the depths, and, most importantly, he longs to share it with me.  That's the craziest part. At the very least, what God gives is plenty for one human girl to love recklessly on for a good long while. I can love recklessly, no matter who I'm around or what's going on inside or outside me, as long as I live in the reality that God's love is like an ocean.

And that is all I have for today.

Later, skaters!

Allie

Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner // (Or God in a Box)

I tried to name this post "Nobody puts Baby in a corner God in a box, but then Blogger was like, "No, no!  No being witty today!" So I had to not be witty.  But, just for the record, I tried really hard for about thirty seconds. 

The point isn't to hate on Blogger, though.  I really like Blogger, because, duh, it allows me to blog for freeeeeee.  The point is to tell you all a really, really cool God story from when I was babysitting some children last week.

Once upon a time, it was Monday.  I was driving home from work, which right now means that I was leaving the neighborhood where I babysit two little boys, ages seven and nine.  I was driving home, and I was completely overwhelmed.  My job was to keep the boys from disturbing their mom while she worked in her home office, and as far as I could tell, I had failed miserably.  As soon as they woke up, the boys fought over everything from whether to watch Total Drama Island or Teen Titans to who had stole / spit on / broken / lost the other's Nerf gun.  Where I drew a line, they crossed it; when I asked them to clean up their spilled orange juice, they argued; when I took them to the park, they screamed all the way there.  They had broken into their mom's office at least half a dozen times and she'd even come out once to tell them to stop fighting.

I wasn't mad at God, but I was frustrated with my circumstances and kind of put out with Satan for just being so darn bad.  I rolled down the windows, turned up the music, and tried not to cry. (True story.)

This picture was taken through a windshield, so I thought it fit the car reference.  And, yes, that is a footprint on the glass. Enjoy.

Play that scenario on repeat for a couple days.  Each morning, I prayed out loud to God in the car as I sat in traffic on the freeway, waiting for the exit that I was sure would lead to my ultimate doom. Okay, it wasn't that bad. I can be a little over dramatic first thing in the morning.  "God, just help me to get through the day and help me to maybe learn something."  I'd show up at the house, greet the boys, and try my best to stay afloat, leaving six hours later with my head just above water level.  I got through each day; I learned some lessons.  God was answering my prayers with a resounding "yes", but He wasn't nearly finished with me yet.  

By Thursday morning, I was kind of worn out and discouraged, and I definitely wasn't hoping for things to get better.  On my way out the door, my mom stopped me and said, "Allie, I think today's going to be awesome. "  I really wasn't feeling that kind of attitude just then, so I tossed some form of "Okay, Mom," over my shoulder and drove away.

Despite my attitude, my prayer changed that morning.  As I curved around the freeway on-ramp, I told God He could make the day awesome if he wanted to.  "Mom thinks today's going to be awesome, so if you could do that, that would be great. So, yeah."  I continued praying: for my cousin who was going to beauty school and my aunt who didn't love God anymore and my friend who had lost her confidence - in twenty minutes I was at the house and had all but forgotten that I had kind of asked God to make my day awesome.  That's when the miracles started.

Miracle numero uno was that both boys were still asleep when I walked through the door.  That never happened.  Their mom had always kindly made sure that they were awake, dressed, and breakfasted (is that a word?) That day, though, she let them sleep.  For an hour.  An hour is an eternity in babysitting Mike and Daniel time, and I savored every second.  I think I blogged.  It was fantastic.

When they woke up, they were kind of still subdued.  Maybe someone slipped something into their juice boxes? I didn't really care.  I made them pancakes.  They ate them, quietly.  Wow.

I don't remember too many specifics about that Thursday, except for my growing gratitude as the day unfolded in a way that was, indeed, awesome.  Mike and Daniel got along, ate fruit with their lunch when I insisted that they couldn't live off of only BLTs, and spent most of their time outside where their mom couldn't hear them screaming.  And I was on cloud nine.

Around lunch time, between frying bacon for the BLTs and mixing myself a protein shake, I heard God loud and clear.  He was saying,

"Dude! (Does God say "Dude"? Probably.) Do you see this? This could have been your whole week if you would have asked! I don't fit in that tiny space in your head.  I do things that you don't think are possible.  Don't you know that?"

Oh.  Well, yeah.  I guess that would make sense.  That whole creator-of-the-universe,  coordinator-of-every-event-ever, knower-of-every-thought stuff would seem to point to a God who could make a couple pre-adolescent boys behave if he is so inclined.  I didn't even give God that much credit.  I told him, "You probably can't make this situation great; can I at least survive?"  I had forgotten that my God could calm a raging sea, win impossible battles, and move something as unshakeable as a mountain.

As I'm writing this, I'm glad that I had those couple really sucky days first, and I'm pretty sure God wanted it that way, too.  How is he supposed to show his power if I haven't experienced the alternative?

  He is the Rock, his works are perfect,
    and all his ways are just.   

Deuteronomy 32:4

God loves to use impossible circumstances to show us something about himself; the greater the difference between the situation when he's involved and the situation when he's not, the greater the miracle.  

 We have a God that can walk on water, tame lions, and create life with a breath.  We also have a God who knows how many hairs are on our heads and every top-secret plan of the military.  He'll allow stuff to happen - stuff that we don't like.  But you can bet that in the midst of all that stuff, he's waiting, eyes hopeful and pulse quickening, for us to ask for him to show us how great he can really be. 

ISN'T HE THE COOLEST?

 Love, 

Allie

What's God been up to in your life lately?